The difference in comfort is always surprising to me when I visit my friend’s home where his mother and her very nice friend do not know I am trans* and see me only as a man, compared to when I visit my girlfriend’s home where her mother and father both know I’m trans*.
While I am practically a sort of welcomed stranger (his mother is still somewhat wary of me for some god given reason) in my bro’s home, I feel so completely comfortable there, knowing that I pass so easily without really having to try (considering my clearly feminine facial features).
But here, when I visit my girlfriend’s home, where I am so welcomed they actually ask when my next visit will be or if it’s going to be soon and her younger siblings get so excited to see me (they don’t know that I’m trans*) , I still feel …honestly I don’t know if I actually feel uncomfortable or if it’s that I’m trying so hard to seem male in her parents eyes even though they know. I just get a little tired I guess.
And to think I live a sad life, when it’s not actually sad at all.
It’s just difficult sometimes. Very stressing and frustrating.
But there is nothing to do other than just push through it and get the few years of crap over with.